August 18th, 2010
I was recently on a camping trip with some friends on the Russian River. Every year we get a group of girls together to sit by the water for the weekend and watch the beachgoers attack the canoers with super soakers (I’m pretty sure these guys live for the moment each year when the sun comes out and they can pull out their giant pretend guns and shoot at people on the river!).The weather wasn’t as warm for us this year, but we grabbed our towels and floaties and trekked down to the water anyway. Across the river from the beach where we lounge, you can swim over to a big rock, climb to the top and jump into the river. I am usually one of those inclined to jump off the rock once or twice during our trip (although this year I was upstaged by a friend that did back flips off the rock!).
So I swam over and climbed to the top of the rock and realized there was a young girl about 10 or 11 years old perched up there with her father trying to get the courage to make the jump. I hung back to give them some space, but her legs wouldn’t budge. I went to the top and asked her if she’d like to see me jump first and she barely nodded her head yes, as if she were afraid that any sudden movement would propel her off the rock and towards the water. I stood at the top and took a deep breath and I heard her father say “See how she takes a deep breath…” and then I jumped. From the water, I looked up at her and saw the faintest smile which quickly disappeared as I imagine she realized that meant she was next. She continued to stand on top of the rock and you could see her come so close – that imperceptible shift inside of her mind that moves someone from being paralyzed with fear to “Here we go…” and then she’d back off again.
So what is it that finally gets us to jump? I often use this metaphor with my clients and was privileged to see it play out right on front of me on the river that day. You’re standing on the edge of the diving board, what’s it going to take to get you to jump? Some people have no fear (see above). Some people try to work up the courage until they force their fears back and jump away leaving their fears behind them. Others feel that fear tightly wrapped around them and they jump anyway. I think the scariest moment is when you first leap; when you first leave the safety of the rock. Moving forward involves risk and risk involves fear. We tend to feel anxiety when it comes to new situations or things that are unknown. Risk involves jumping into the unknown.
You can’t always battle back your fear. Sometimes you just have to be afraid and do it anyway. As an athlete, sometimes you have to take the leap in order to move to the next level of your performance. You have to make a move that might not stick. You have to dive for the ball you might not catch. You have to take on a role that is just above your comfort zone. If you don’t, you will always be stuck safely to the rock – wondering what it would have felt like to jump.
So finally after 15 minutes of an entire beach watching this girl’s journey on top of the rock – she jumped. As soon as her head popped out of the water the entire beach erupted in applause and cheers. Everyone recognizes the courage it takes to face your fears.
The most important thing is the story that gets carried forward after the experience. Will she be proud that she finally had the courage to jump? Will she want to go again and jump even quicker? Will she want to try it on her own, without her Dad by her side? Or will she never want to feel that fear again and stay on the beach? Most of us don’t have a beach full of people to applaud and recognize our journey, so you need to make sure you do that for yourself. Applaud the fact that you took the risk, regardless of the outcome. Even if the result didn’t work out in your favor, the fact that you took the risk means you are one step closer to the time when you take the risk and reap the reward.
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August 3rd, 2010
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Recently on my Mental Skills Training facebook page I put out a request on my wall asking people to say something nice about themselves. Well to be exact, I said;
“I declare today “give yourself a shout-out” day. Be your own biggest supporter. Everyone post something nice about yourself; something you are good at or are proud of. Let’s hear ‘em!”
I happened to be visiting with some good friends of mine in Athens, GA when I sent out the post and I challenged them to heed the call. After much hemming and hawing and declarations like “I don’t know what to say!” – none of them posted anything! Finally when we returned home from our trip my husband confessed “I posted something I’m proud of on your facebook page.” This whole experience prompted me to write this post.
During some of my workshops I will have the participants do an exercise in which they have to grab a partner and declare what their strengths are in their sport WITHOUT using any qualifiers. A “qualifier” sounds like “Well… I guess I’m good at”, or “I’m good at this, but not good at all these other things.” Qualifiers are basically words and phrases and statements that in some way cushion the blow of stating how fantastic you are. So in the exercise, you can only boldly state what your strengths are. When I have people do this exercise, many of them find it very hard to do. So why is this so hard for people to do? Why does tooting our own horn make us feel so uncomfortable?
- You don’t want to sound like you’re bragging. “I don’t want to give myself a shout out because people might think I’m just full of myself.” You don’t want anyone to think you have a big head so you down play your accomplishment or you think that there is always room for improvement so you don’t want to just state that you are good at something.
- You don’t think your accomplishment warrants any praise. You feel that what you are proud of is so small in comparison to others’ accomplishments that it’s not worth saying out loud. Or you’re afraid that you will sound stupid or be judged for being proud of yourself.
- You are out of practice. You can barely think of something to be proud of and say it to yourself let alone say it out loud or declare it on facebook for all the world to see.
Here is my response: It’s OK to be proud of your accomplishments. It’s OK to have strengths and say what you are good at. It’s OK to be your own biggest cheerleader. Every accomplishment deserves recognition. If you are sincere about your pride, people will know you aren’t bragging. Take a deep breath and do it. Be your own booster club. It might feel weird or awkward or uncomfortable at first, but the more you practice being your own biggest supporter, the easier it will get.
So if you were one of those people that saw the post on facebook and thought to yourself “I don’t know what to say” then this is the most important thing you can do!!! I challenge you to post something on there the next opportunity you get! Don’t worry, I will continue to bug my friends until they all say something they are proud of!
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July 21st, 2010
The summer issue of Game ON! has just been sent! In this issue:
- How to create a vision of your destination by setting long-term goals!
“Embarking on your journey as an athlete is like going on a road trip. You’ve packed your bags, there’s gas in the car; you’re ready to go. Now you’re sitting in the driver’s seat, you start the engine and slowly realize that you have no idea where you are driving to. The first thing you need to do when you’re planning a road trip is to figure out where you want to go. If you don’t know where you’re going, then you certainly won’t know how to get there!”…
- How to move from obstacles to opportunities and become a resilient athlete!
“An athlete’s ability to deal with setbacks can set them apart from the rest of the pack. In the physical world, resilience describes the ability of a material to return to its original shape after undergoing some sort of stress. In the psychological world, it’s pretty much the same thing; how do you respond to adversity and are you able to bounce back?”…
Click here to sign up and read more!
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June 23rd, 2010
If you’ve read any of my previous posts you may have noticed that I like to observe themes that come up for me or my athletes and then write about how they tie into the psychology of sport and athletic performance. My most recent experience of this occurred when I was presented with an opportunity that had a fast approaching deadline and I had to decide relatively quickly whether or not I should go for it. In sport, if you have a gut reaction and you hesitate, the opportunity is gone. There is a time for calculated decision making and a time to listen to your instincts. So why do we hesitate? Why do we sometimes hold ourselves back from seizing an opportunity?
WE’RE AFRAID
Often athletes hold back because they aren’t sure if listening to their gut will lead them to making the right decision. The thought process goes as follows: what if I go for it and I’m wrong? The other dynamic I have observed is that athletes might hold back if they have stumbled onto new territory. They don’t trust their gut because they have never been in that situation before. If any of you have heard me speak, then you have probably heard me say that our ability to learn is directly related to the feedback that we receive. There are many ways for us to receive feedback and one of them is through the mistakes that we make. Mistakes help us refine our skill. If you never risk making mistakes you’ll never perform to your potential. You have to push through the walls that hold you in your comfort zone in order to reach the next level.
WE THINK TOO MUCH
If in the midst of compeititon you are weighing out the options before you and just aren’t sure if you should listen to your gut, that means you are up in your head analyzing and by the time you get out of your head, the moment is gone or the options have changed. When you have that feeling in your gut that tells you that an opportunity might be presenting itself, that instinct doesn’t come out of nowhere. You have read into some external cue and your brain has quickly run through your past memories and experiences and presents you with a feeling in your gut to let you know that something’s up. During a race or a game, you don’t have time to weigh out the pros and cons of a decision. If you are a novice in your sport, you might not know the right thing to do in that situation so you pause and question yourself. Athletes who over-analyze the situation will hesitate and miss the opportunity. As you gain more experience in your sport, you will start trusting your instincts. Elite athletes with more competitive experience are more likely to tune out irrelevant distractions and go with their gut. If we didn’t have the capacity for a gut reaction, we would weigh out the pros and cons forever and never be able to take action. The fact is you may one day seize an opportunity and watch it fail miserably, but as an athlete, being able to trust and listen to your instincts is something you have to be prepared to do.
The other aspect to consider is that we are simply out of practice when it comes to listening to and trusting our instincts. In fact, when we hold ourselves back, we are practicing not listening to our instincts. Some of the greatest moments I have had working with athletes have come from listening to my gut. I get a feeling about a question I need to ask or a homework assignment to give. I might hesitate for a moment and think, “What if I’m wrong about this?” – but then I trust my gut and go for it and it turns out to be the exact question that needed to be asked or the exact assignment that needed to be done in order for that athlete to move forward. Of course sometimes I go for it and it wasn’t the golden moment I thought it would be and I say to myself, “Well that didn’t work out”, and I just have to move on.
So with my recent situation, I seized the opportunity. Maybe it pans out and maybe it doesn’t – but it definitely wouldn’t pan out if I didn’t seize it. When you seize the opportunity, at least you have given yourself a chance for it to be great. Sometimes you just have to take the leap and see where you land.
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May 27th, 2010
Much of what a Mental Skills Coach works on with an athlete is trying to get them to stay in the moment. Our thoughts tend to hang out in the past or project into the future. The only moment we have control over is the present – so I’m often trying to get athletes brains to just stay put! However, sometimes it can be beneficial to delve into the past. Back in April, I had the incredible opportunity to head out to a Cubs game on my birthday while I was traveling in Chicago. It was my first time to Wrigley Field and I was excited to catch a day game with some good friends of mine. What I didn’t realize at the time, was how awestruck I would be just sitting in the stadium.
As I sat in my seat looking out across the field, I could feel the energy of the stadium itself. I could feel the history that was there. I could imagine what it must have felt like to sit in that seat and watch a game during baseball’s golden years (before “the curse“!). Then I wondered what it would be like to actual play baseball at Wrigley Field. I wondered if the players on the field felt the same way I did the first time they stepped onto Wrigley Field.
So what could be gained from delving into history? Why study the past? Of course we study the past to learn from our experiences and try do to things better the next time around – but now we’re talking about something even greater. I’m talking about delving into the history of your sport. Finding out who paved the way, creating the opportunity for you to get out on the field or enter a race. Studying history in that way means that when you step onto Wrigley Field, you are a part of something bigger than yourself. It helps you understand the entire journey of your sport, giving you a greater connection and appreciation to your own opportunity to compete. It means when you show up to play, you don’t take it for granted and “play small”. You show your gratitude and honor that journey by being at your best.
So here is some homework for you athletes out there: go out and find out about the beginnings of your sport. Who were the major players involved? What have been the greatest moments? Biggest challenges? If you love your sport, take the time to understand the journey of that sport and what it took to allow you the opportunity to participate and play.
And here’s a bonus for you… YES, everyone at Wrigley Field was friendly, YES my friend Michelle made me wear Cubs gear, YES I did have a true Chicago hot dog (and totally loved it), and YES – I did get the new Big Slugger Nachos (about 5lbs of nachos served in a kids plastic helmet). I shared them with my friends and we still couldn’t finish them. Now go do your homework.
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May 18th, 2010
Stage 2 of the Amgen Tour of California saw yet another rainy finish come into downtown Santa Rosa. I was so hopeful that by moving the tour to May we would have a beautiful day to watch the race, but alas… all the local cycling fans had to don their rain gear yet again and endure another wet day of race spectating. I was glad to see that the rain didn’t scare everyone away!
This is a picture of me (holding the umbrella) and my friend Liz Bernstein (who heads up the Bike MS Waves-to-Wine ride), trying to stay dry as we wait for the pack to come in! It was fun for me to see all of the people coming out to watch the race. I love cycling and working with cyclists and I love to see the sport getting more popular. It was also fun for me to get out and watch a stage of the tour. I have moments where I can just be a fan, but most of the time when I watch a race I see it through my “sport psychology” lens. I saw the look of a long grueling day on the faces of the riders as they came around the corner of 4th and B and I wondered how the rest of the stage had played out.
Even though the conditions were similar to last year, it was a very different finish. I often see athletes gauge their success based on how they did in the same event the previous year. Watching the finish of Stage 2 is a good reminder that you can’t always do a straight comparison of a race from one year to the next. Conditions are different, your competitors are different, the course may be different… Instead of asking the question “Did I do better than last year?” you may be better off asking, “Did I do everything I could to set myself up to be successful today? Is there anything I could have done differently that would have changed the outcome? Is there anything I could have done to be more prepared?”
In Lance Armstrong’s book, Every Second Counts, he describes the morning of the first mountain stage during the 2000 Tour de France. ”On the morning of the stage, I awoke to a freezing rain. I hopped out of bed and threw back the curtains, and I burst out laughing. ’Perfect,’ [he] said. It was suffering weather, the kind that could defeat a lot of guys as soon as they got up in the morning. ” While his competitors groaned and dreaded the upcoming day, Lance celebrated because he had trained on that exact mountain pass, under those exact conditions. He had an edge over his competitors before the stage even began.
Hopefully the guys will have great weather for the rest of the tour, but the point is that it shouldn’t matter. What matters is that you stay in the moment and do what needs to be done under the current conditions in order to have your best race. If you feel like your race could have gone better, take that in as information to build on and then wash your hands of it, get back into the moment, and get ready for the next stage.
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Tags: Amgen Tour of California, Cycling, preparation
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May 3rd, 2010
About 8 weeks ago I took my very first flamenco dance class. I’ve been wanting to take a dance class for a while. I knew nothing about flamenco, but it happened to be the only class that fit into my schedule. It’s a very distinctive style of dance with strong, sharp movements. The footwork in the dance doubles as the percussion, so the steps must be precise and deliberate. The other aspect of the dance includes being able to convey emotions through your movements and your facial expressions. To be a good flamenco dancer it is not enough to know the steps, you must also act the part. You have to come in confident in with your moves, your posture, and your attitude.
Carl Lewis once said, “If you don’t have confidence, you’ll always find a way not to win.” One aspect involved in the skill of confidence is how you carry yourself. How you carry yourself affects how you feel and how others perceive you. Imagine a competitor conveying their lack of confidence in their body language. They might be moving sluggish with their head hanging down or they might be stiff and full of anger… what do you think about your competitor in that moment? If you want to be the athlete to beat, carry yourself like you are the athlete to beat. I’m not talking about being cocky. When you are cocky you are risking overconfidence which can be detrimental to your performance. However, when you hold yourself with confidence, you start to feel more confident.
Start paying attention to how you walk onto the field or carry yourself after a mistake. Then start to pay attention to the athletes you admire and watch how they carry themselves. During your next competition, think about how you can carry yourself with confidence from the moment you start preparing for your event through the end of your competition. Part of becoming a flamenco dancer is acting like a flamenco dancer, just like part of becoming a confident athlete is acting like a confident athlete. Act the part and you will start becoming the part.
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Tags: confidence, mental skills training
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April 23rd, 2010
The spring issue of Game ON! has just been sent! In this issue:
- How to say thanks to the people who support your athletic accomplishments!
“Recognizing the efforts of the key players in your life is like the Academy recognizing the importance of the Best Supporting Actor. Without that specific person playing that role, the story would not have the same impact. Where would Dorothy be without the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion? Who are the “Best Supporting Actors” in your story?…”
- How to be on the look out for your secret goals!
“Pssst. I have to tell you something. You have a secret goal. We all have them from time to time; the goal that you really want to accomplish, but won’t admit to…”
Click here to sign up and read more!
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April 1st, 2010
Beware of Poison
“What is the point of poison oak? What possible service does it have on this earth?” This is what I asked my husband a couple weeks ago when we were on a hike. His response was, “It has to serve some purpose; maybe something eats it.” So I made it my mission to find out what purpose poison oak has on this planet. Basically, poison oak (apparently known as poison ivy in other parts of the country) has an oil on its surface which can produce an allergic reaction causing unbearable itching and eventually leading to disgusting red blistering bumps. Gross. If you’ve ever had it, you’re probably saying to yourself there is no point to poison oak other than to make us miserable and afraid of going outside. I’m seriously itchy just writing this post.
So why am I writing about poison oak on a blog about mental skills training? Sometimes there is more than meets the eye. Oftentimes there is something beneficial that comes from something that at first glance, just seems poisonous.
After doing a little research, it turns out that my husband was right (ugh) and there are some animals that eat poison oak. There are varieties of birds that will eat poison oak berries and apparently both deer and horses will eat the foliage. So although it’s bad for humans, it’s good for other species. But I am determined to figure out how it can be good for us as well. What purpose does something with a result so awful, possibly serve? What can we learn from poison oak? Here’s what I came up with:
It helps us know what to avoid. If you ever get poison oak, you will quickly come to the conclusion that you don’t ever want it again. Moving forward, you will make the necessary changes to avoid that consequence. In sports, this is just like making a mistake during competition. When you make a mistake, your reaction is pretty much the same. “Well, I don’t want to do that again. What can I do to avoid that in the future?” Mistakes can be seen in a positive light if you take this viewpoint. After making an error, an athlete will often beat themselves up over it and then fear making another mistake in the future. Mistakes provide us with valuable feedback. When we discover what we don’t want, it can bring us closer to what we do want. Mistakes will make you a better athlete. I repeat; mistakes will make you a better athlete, but not if you fear making them or beat yourself up when you do.
When it comes to treating poison oak, Native Americans allegedly said that the Great Spirit put the remedy right next to the problem, (referring to a natural remedy from the jewelweed plant that grows near poison oak). So when you make an error, the answer to dealing with it is right there next to you. Your reaction to making a mistake will impact your focus, confidence, and motivation as you go forward into the next move or the next race. So the next time something doesn’t go so well for you, don’t be so quick to label it as “bad” until you’ve tried to figure out why it’s “good”.
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Tags: errors, mental skills training, mistakes, sport psychology
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March 24th, 2010
Recently I had the opportunity to fly down to see the first stage of the San Dimas Stage Race in Glendora, CA. My post today was inspired by a quote I read from Mara Abbott in an article on cyclingnews.com about the 3rd stage of the race. Mara held onto the leader’s jersey until the final stage where Ina-Yoko Teutenberg had an outstanding performance that led her to the victory. As Mara talks about her experience at the race she says:
“Racing is a process and if you win a race you learn stuff and you celebrate. If you lose a race you learn too and you probably learn more. Even though it is disappointing to lose, I wanted to win… you can’t win them all. You have to try to take what you can from the loss.”
Whether you win or lose, each competition provides an opportunity to build on your performance if you are open to learning from it. Athletes who are open and willing to reflect and learn, will progress quicker than those who aren’t. Being open to learning from a loss takes discipline, humility, resilience, and a willingness to look at your performance through an observer’s eyes. It asks you to step back from the emotion involved and evaluate your performance. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t feel frustration, anger, or disappointment at a loss. Those emotions let you know that you take pride in your performance. What’s important is how you use those emotions moving forward. If you take a lesson from Mara Abbott, you will feel the frustration then take a deep breath and figure out what you can take away from the experience.
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Tags: Cycling, Mara Abbott, mental skills training, reflection, sport psychology, wins and losses
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